Ponderings

Did you ever thing to yourself "What if" or "If only"? In the process of house-hunting, Chris and I have often thought "If only we could have afforded that house we really liked..." or "What if the perfect house would finally come along and we could actually afford it!" Do you ever wish there were times in your life you could live over again, or do differently? I often wonder what life would be like if only I had had a girl or two.

But, being the overly analytical person that I am, I took that thought further. What if, THIS is the what-if life I had imagined in a different life? What if we had been able to buy that house we really wished we hadn't missed out on, but then that house flooded, or burnt down, or we had a child die from an accident on that property. And after such calamity, we had thought to ourselves, "If only we hadn't bought this house!" And *this* is the life we were given instead? What if I had had a few girl babies, but in 20 years they'd have grown up to suffer horrible tragedy, or at least difficulty, because they were girls?

What if you could live your life over, and this is already the second time around? This is the chance to make better choices? This is the life with better opportunities offered? What if I had once been born as a single birth, with no twin sister, and I had always wondered what it was like to have a twin, and always wished I had one, and Poof! My life became one where I had a twin sister! Now I know what it's like! My wish was granted!

Ok, I know that was weird and a bit circular, and probably hard to follow, but I like to think that the life I live now is the best one I could have hoped for. Instead of wishing for something different, I like to think that this is the life I was given when I DID wish for something different. This is the best I could have gotten. Maybe that's a little bit like It's a Wonderful Life? It doesn't stop me from dreaming of a beautiful farmhouse on many acres with a house full of boys (and girls!) but it helps me to not be bitter that I don't have what (I think) I want. Maybe if I had what I thought I wanted, I wouldn't like it at all! I know my life is full of blessings I can see and appreciate, but I bet it is full of blessings I didn't even know I was given, and I'm sure there are many sufferings and tragedies I was spared. THIS life is the good one!