Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Blog Wandering

I have spent the last few days wandering through blog-land, reading strangers' blogs. I just followed a link from one, and followed a link from that one, and so on. It was pretty fun! Usually I don't have time for that sort of thing, but this weekend Levi was just on a weird sleeping (non-sleeping?) schedule, and some of my regular bloggers were away for the weekend or just not updating, so I had time on my hands. I must say, though, that I feel so inferior now! Not only is my writing style nothing to shout about, but I can't do the fancy stuff I've seen on the other sites. I haven't even figured out how to do the list of links yet. I know I know, once I stop procrastinating I can figure it out pretty easily; I just haven't felt like putting the effort into it.

It is really neat to be able to read about other people's daily lives and thoughts; some of them make me feel grateful for the pretty easy life I have, others just make me laugh, and sometimes I can even identify with a particular experience. Mostly, though, I think it helps me see my own life in a different perspective. As a SAHM in a somewhat rural setting, I can get kind of isolated and start to get bogged down in the annoying things in my life. For a while a few years back, I got so bogged down I became depressed enough that it affected my family, and it took a year or two of talking with a therapist to climb back out of it. It feels funny to admit that, but at the same time, I am glad that was all it took, and that I didn't need to take any medications, so it didn't affect my pregnancy/breastfeeding cycle. It also helped after the sessions stopped, because I can still use today what I learned then.

This period now, post-partum just 6 weeks out, I find myself coming closer to that edge again; add to that the stress of my dh's new job, plus having to move, and homeschooling 3 kids. I am sleep deprived and most likely nutrition deprived too. I have too much time to think about how fat I am, how messy/dirty my house is, what a bad job I'm probably doing teaching my kids, and all that kind of stuff. I think at least 10 times a day about how I am going to get into shape (I've been saying that for 15 years), how I am going to take better care of myself (like try to shower every day or at least every other day, and get dressed every day), and take better care of the house (should I consider it a victory that I have a laundry system that is still working for me? LOL) .

But surfing around and reading others' experiences, I see that lots of people are going through similar trials, and lots of them are going through much worse. I can laugh at a story about a trip to the store with all the kids, or about a big mess a toddler made, because I've BTDT. It makes it easier to laugh at myself when it happens to me.

I'm finding it hard to come and post here, because I feel like I can't write as well as others, and I don't have any fancy stuff in my posts or in my sidebar. I'm pleased with myself for just getting pictures on here! lol But I am also somewhat inspired too. One of these days I'll get it figured out.


Anonymous said...

Hey You!!! Quit beating yourself up! You need to write for YOU not for the entertainment of everyeone else. If you start trying to edit or do something you're not then it'll show and people won't want to read it anymore. It's interesting to read because it's YOU! Not proper english, witty lines or fancy dodads on a page.

I've felt inferior in my writing too but I figure...if it's as bad as I think it is...why are people reading it? Even if people aren't reading it. It's still good to have a place to come to to let things out. Did you care that no one read your diary when you were younger? OK...I'm done! Take Care!

ma said...

Tonight at chat I hoped you had a list of the blogs you read. You had mentioned finding a few new ones. I forgot you didn't. It should be easier to add sidebar lists. I understand html pretty well but it really shouldn't be required.

I hear you on a lot of stuff you wrote about. English was my worse subject. I'm a sahm in a rural setting. I've battled depression and I have a great laundry system. LOL

I'll help with the list addingif you want. Most likely I will forget so bug me.

Paula said...

If you want to read another plain, not very witty blog, try mine! LOL I haven't even figured out how to post pictures yet!

About feeling depressed and (wisely) recognizing that your situation could lead to a more serious depression. You are right! Moving rattled me for a year, and I only had 5 at the time, the youngest was a year old. Try to really just focus on the essentials of moving and caring for your family and yourself, and leave the weight loss, etc. for later. It's easy to get in a downward spiral when you have a mental list of shoulds. Just do the musts for right now! Good luck!

Lisa said...

Hey, I like reading about rural SAHMs with lots of kids. It validates me, LOL. I too sometimes don't write because I have nothing "interesting" to say. Who wants to hear about my vacuuming or something. And I don't even have a washer to have a system with. Oh, I forgot, my newest system is to leave 12 and 10 yo at the laundromat while I go get groceries. At least that's a benefit of being rural.