Friday, August 06, 2004

Emotional

I have been very emotional the last few days. It is strange because for this whole pregnancy I have been so much on an even keel, not getting too upset about anything. I don't know, maybe it is the stress of the coming job change and move, plus knowing the baby is coming soon. Unfortunately it is surfacing in my brain as worry. My doctor had to point out once again that he had read even more studies about uterine rupture during VBACs. He even went so far as to say that women with successful previous VBACs were at higher risk. I'm sorry but that just sounds so dumb I can't believe it was published anywhere. I asked him, did these studies take into account the type of incision, or the quality of healing from the first C? What about the general health of the current pg when the rupture occurred? He didn't really have answers for me, which tells me it's not something I need to worry about, but of course he has planted it in my brain and I can't shake it loose. What if this is going to be my last baby, not by my choice? What if he has to do an emergency hysterectomy? What if he is using this as an excuse to do one? (See? now I've sunk into paranoia!) From there my brain makes an easy leap to What if there is something wrong with the baby? What if the baby is breech and I have no choice on the C section anyway? Etc etc etc. And it's driving me nuts. So now when I think about the baby coming in a few days, which I don't feel ready for yet, it makes me want to cry. What a waste, I should be anticipating it and getting excited, but instead it depresses me. I've always been normally worried about things with each pg, but now with this one, I'm actually bordering on being scared. My head tells me not to bother, what can I do about any of it? But the tears want to come out anyway.

3 comments:

Lisa said...

Gretchen
I wish I could come over, bake you some warm chocolate chip cookies, hand you kleenex and then let you nap while I took the boys outside and got them tired enough to drop...quietly into bed. With all the stress of the upcoming move, feeling miserably big and hot, and a poopy doctor it's no wonder you're emotional. (((Hugs)))
Lisa

Chris said...

(((HUGS)))

I don't have any advice because I can work myself up into an apocalyptic state over almost anything.

You *know* everything will be okay. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi Gretchen,

it me quilter-12...just wanted to tell you not to worry, enjoy these last few days. My #5 was a crash c-section and # 6-12 were all vbacs. I never had any bleeding problems. The same dr was there for the last 8 and he never said I was at any higher risk, except for my age when I had #12...I was 42 : )

Happy birthing....

Virginia